Medical Exam

Every year, every public worker in Japan MUST get a medical exam. I probably shouldn't complain because there are millions of people in the world who would like to see a doctor, and I go every year for free.


Here's a pic of a part of the English translation of the Medical Exam form. Please note, this is my 3rd year. Never before has anyone given me an English translation. Imagine trying to mime/pictionary something like cancer. Yes, I have done that.

Anyhoos...

First you register, and they put your medical form in a plastic folder, and give you a sticker with your name, and a little card. And then they give you a cup to pee in. But, this being Japan, it's not just any cup. In my town, the cup is always green, and I assume, it's green everywhere. And it has measurements. And the guy actually says to pee to the 25 mm line.

I always pee too much.

Then you have to bring your cup to another desk, where you put it on a circle they've printed on a laminated paper. I kind of wonder what would happen if you didn't put the cup in the circle. :)

Dude puts your pee in a little tube- 25 mls of it, and throws the rest in a bucket. Another temptation- kicking the bucket. Wait, did I just say that?

Right next to him, you do an eye test. There's a bunch of C's, oriented in different directions and you have to say if the space in the C is on the right, left, up or down. Then that same dude weighs you (Yes, I've noticed I'm overweight, Japan. But thanks.) and measures your height.

Then it's off for blood pressure and blood tests. The dude next to me was frightened of needles. I don't have that luxury. See, I have no veins. This is not the obesity speaking. Even as a baby I didn't have veins. (I've had blood taken from the back of my hand, and from the space inside my thumb and forefinger. I don't recommend either, unless you don't mind not being able to use your hand for a couple days.) Every time I get to this station, I remember that Japan doesn't know that much about the outside world. And I know that they probably all think that Black people just don't have veins. Sorry, Race.

Then you go to the heart doctor, who listens to your lungs. ??? Medicine is so confusing. And then you do an ear test. They give you a pair of headphones and you press the button when your hear the beep.

And then it's off to the buses.

For the operations which require equipment, they've renovated these buses. At the front, it's a regular bus, but in back, they've put in a door, and you go through the back and have your exam done. The perk of this is that hospitals outside big cities don't need expensive equipment. It just drives around in a bus.

This is a picture of the breast cancer/gynaecologist bus, which they sent me too without warning. Seriously, supervisor gives me paper I can't read and tells me I have an exam. I turn up and everyone starts taking their undies off. Weird, to say the least.

Yesterday there were two buses. In one you get a chest x-ray, and in bus 2, they do two things, neither of which I'm fully sure of. In the back, they take a picture of your eye. In the front, the put a bunch of metal clips on your arms, legs and chest, and shoot you full of electricity. I don't know what the machine did, but it shook the whole bus.

And then you're done!

Thanks for enduring two weeks of medical posts. Here's a reward, from today's school lunch: Almond Fish. I wish I was making this up.

Sadly, it tastes pretty good.

I've been here too long.

Fake fires, real nurses

Today, we had a Friday drill at my big elementary school. Somehow, Japan makes even the most mundane things ridiculous or amusing, or both.

Now, this wasn't my first drill. Last year, we had an earthquake drill at JHS, and I discovered, much to my dismay, after wandering outside 7 or so minutes into the drill, that I wasn't on anybody's accountability list. On my old schedule (a week at each school), if I'd been buried in an earthquake on Tuesday, noone would notice until Monday. And even then, it would be my foreign colleagues, and not a Japanese person.

Anyhow, back to today.

The Senior Teacher warned me that the bells would ring at different times today, because of a fire drill. Okay, I thought, and went back to lesson planning.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

There is a fire truck reversing outside. I furrow my brows. Are they for real? In answer to that question, an ambulance pulls up. The firemen come in- in my town, the Fire Service mans the ambulances as well- and go into the Principal's room, where they have green tea. Around 9.30 the firemen and the Principal wander back into the staff room. The Senior Teacher comes and stands at the PA system, which happens to be right next to my desk. I'm ignoring everybody and drawing pictures of Doraemon and Naruto for a game.

That is, until the Senior Teacher presses a button, and the most obnoxious alarm I've ever heard goes off. The Senior Teacher then announces that this is a drill and there is a fire. The School Secretary and the caretaker come over to the PA system, which also has the fire alarm monitoring system, and figure out that the fire is in a classroom on the 3rd floor. They grab a fire extinguisher and race upstairs, accompanied by a fireman. At this point, I wonder if they plan to have a fireman at the school before a real fire alarm, but then, there might actually be. The firemen and the police are at my schools so often, I can recognise them. I also realise that the alarm sounding in the hallway is a normal alarm and not the obnoxious sound playing in the staff room.

The Secretary, Caretaker and fireman return. They report to the Senior Teacher that they could not control the fire. She then announces that we're to evacuate. The Principal turns off the lights in the staff room and we head out. Some of the staff go to the genkan (entrance way) first to get their outdoor shoes. I go with them. If I wear my indoor shoes outdoors, then I have to stop and clean them before I come back inside. I wonder if, in the event of a real fire, people would go get their outdoor shoes.

Having grabbed our shoes, we head back the way we came to go out the back of the school. The School Nurse is running across the field with a green cross flag. Class teachers aren't too far behind. They all have flags with the number of their grade on them, and they're being followed by their students. They actually used the pretty staircase on the side of the building. It never occured to me that it's a fire escape. It's really pretty, it has a glass roof, and green floral designs in the metal on the sides. They sit down and make sure the kids are all accounted for (noone checked the teachers- I'm just going to bail out in the event of a real emergency, cuz noone will notice I'm missing til I'm dead).

And then, we did the Japanese thing. A fireman came up and gave a speech. I don't know how Japanese people manage to work a full on speech into everything, but they do. And then it was over, and the kids went to clean their indoor shoes, but not before I wondered what would happen if there was an emergency which required an ambulance while this was going on. The central part of my town has at least 7,000 people, 8 fire trucks and 1 ambulance. I don't know why we need 8 fire trucks either. At home we've got 270,000 people and we have like 11.

As promised, I'm also going to tell you guys about the Nurse Room kids. People who've never lived in Japan think that the society is all orderly, and obedient. They are sooooo wrong!

Here's the thing: in Japan there's no punishment. Yep, NO punishment.

Okay, that's not exactly true. But the only punishment for most things, is social ostracism. Japanese society is very dependent on the idea of being part of the group. You want to be like the members of your group and you don't want to displease them. That's all well and good, but if you're like me, and you don't really give two monkey coronaries what other people think, you can do whatever.

The Nurse Room kids are a prime example of this.

In Western society, if you have a problem with a kid in your class or a teacher, you deal with out. You can't just not come to school. I mean you could, but they'd have the truant officer on you in a minute.

Here, if something in class bugs you, it's perfectly okay if you stay at home. One of my ALT friends had a student who never came to school, except for the days when his wife (not an actual employee of the school) would come to school and draw manga characters with her. That same student never spoke to males.

Apart from not coming to school altogether, you can come to school and just go to the Nurse Room all day every day. There's even a possibility, that they will be an extra teacher to work with you, even though there's a teacher already on the payroll, teaching in your classroom.

By the way, this concept isn't just for kids. Adults can take kokoro no byouki (heartsickness), a seemingly unlimited amount of leave so they can just not come to work for whatever reason.

Another random thing I found out recently, kids are not special ed. if they disagree. Your teachers can say you belong in Special Ed, your parents can say you belong in Special Ed, but if you (the unqualified minor) say you don't, they have to put you in with the regular kids! I have seen this happen. In Special Ed, they would have learned at a slower rate, in the regular classroom they learn nothing. It's really sad.

Sometimes, Japan gets it so right. Other times, well at least they're good at judo!*

* Last year I had a kid who really struggled in all his subjects. I asked a teacher: Mizuki-kun** really struggles with English? And his response was, He's good at judo!

** name has been changed.

PS, Don't forget to check out my new blog on writing, music, travel and everything else.
http://aclairedawn.blogspot.com

Yuki Matsuri (Snow Festival)

I am writing today from Sapporo, the site of the World's Best Snow Festival! Sapporo is the capital of Hokkaido, which is the northernmost of Japan's 4 main islands. The snow festival is in its 61st year and is held every year in the week ending February 11 (National Foundation Day).

I'm just going to let the pictures do the talking today.



Here I am with the Tower and Marimo, the mascot of Hokkaido.



The smoking area was an ice sculpture!



Most of the stages were ice or snow sculptures.



People were snowboarding on a slope made on scaffolding!


JAL's "Northern Zooland"



"Where Dreams Come True"




"Michael Forever"


Korean Royal Palace



Ponyo



Thomas, the tank engine


Chibi Maruko



NZ's entry for the International Competition "Taniwha"



Hong Kong's entry was the God of Art and Literature, but I don't know why the guy on all fours has something sticking in his butt...



As far as Japan is concerned, Hawaii is a country!



Thailand won!



I love Stitch!



Doraemon



Anpanman



"Imagine"
This was my favourite sculpture. As a writer, I love the concept!

Once in a while, Japan is the coolest place on Earth!Yu

10 Rules of Iwate Winter OR WHAT? You don't have central heating or insulation in -12C? (fof!)

1. Put your toothpaste and deoderant in the fridge to avoid them freezing.

2. Defrost the washing machine drain before washing to avoid turning the wash room into a frozen lake.

3. Give up on washing your hair. Your conditioner will freeze and the shampoo will be so cold you won't want to touch it.

4. Dry off faucet after use, to minimise icicles forming inside them.

5. Do not stand directly in front of the shower head to avoid being shot by said icicles when you turn on the water.

6. Turn on the water in the shower before getting in to melt the ice stalagmites.

7. Don't leave water in containers in the sink. Everything freezes together.

8. Do leave water in the kettle. If the faucets freeze, you'll need to run boiling water over them.

9. Get used to wearing cold clothes. Your clothes will never again be warm. NEVER!!!

10. Love your toes. Every second you still have ten of them, is a good second.

Rescue Fire!

Normally on my way home from chuugakkou (JHS), I stop by Ponta's for some fried chicken. Today, however, Ponta's was closed for renovations, and since I had to go to the Board of Education to pick up some things, I decided I'd stop by Wakkou instead. Wakkou is a pizza place owned by one of my student's parents.

At Wakkou, I ordered a Salami pizza, and almost as soon as it came, a kids show came on. I could tell from the poses the actors struck in the opening credits, it was going to be corny. Very corny.
Team Captain- Fire 1-Tatstuya
Fire 2-Yuuma
Fire 3- Ritsuka
Fire 4- Tsubasa


Fire 5- Jun

Captain of Rescue Fire

(Notice how Jun's hand is in a different position. That's how they salute. They bring their hand into that position, before they go up to the salute the others are holding. It's the cheesiest salute ever!)

If you've ever watched Centurions, G Force, Captain Planet, etc, you know the type of story- team of super heroes. If you've ever seen Power Rangers movie, you know how bad this can be live action. However bad you think it was multiply it by a million. Have you ever seen something that was so horrible you couldn't look away?

The twist with this story is that the team is not only a team of superheroes. They are also a team of real life heroes. They are firefighters!

In the episode I watched, a girl called Asuka comes to visit them. Turns out that she is the niece of Riku, and her father, his brother is also inthis episode. Her father, Naoshi, makes tools for the rescue fire team and that's why they're in this episode. He's bringing some new weapon.

Fire 1 has difficulty piloting the new weapon because his "rescue soul" is damaged. So he has to go through a lot of training. After that, Fire 1 and 4, as well as Naoshi and Asuka and 2 regular firemen head out to a forest on a lakeside. One of the bad guys sees them and reports it to their superiors. (Maybe they wouldn't be so obvious if they didn't drive around in marked cars.) The cars are called the Rescue Dashes. There are 6 of them, one for each of the Rescue Fire team and Rescue Dash 6 is driven by the Captain.


The bad guys might just be the most hilarious part of the show. The pawns are called "Jackast" and are men wearing chicken looking fire suits! It's cry is "ja-ka" which also sounds kinda like a chicken.

The leader of the bad guys is called Don Kane (donkaen) and he is a ball of fire. Since he has no arms and legs, he doesn't seem to ever actually do much but lurk in the lair.

Don Kane and his followers are trying to unleash Super Fire on the world. The Super Fire was sealed a long time ago, using the freezing powers of 5 blue pearls, but they've been released by global warming so the Rescue Fire team was created to fight them. Don Kane is the last of the Fire tribe. Originally he was a dragon, but he divides his power into Jokane and the three commanders so he becomes just a ball of fire.

Jokane
The 3 commanders: Sakane, Ukane, Chuukane.

Jokane, learning the location of the Fire 1 and 4, sets out to destroy them. As he arrives with the 3 commanders and a few Jackasts, Asuka and her father run away with the two firemen, while Fire 1 and 2 stay to fight. They use their megaphones ("Fire up!") to transform. A "spirit dragon" is shot out of the megaphone and turns them into their super alteregoes.


They fight the Jakast. Then the 2 remaining commanders, Sakane and Chuukane create a Fire Majin, who sets fire to a large area of forest. Fire 4 uses his Tri Basher in fire extinguisher mode to fight hte forest fire, while Fire 1 continues to fight.
Tri Basher

Meanwhile, Asuka has an idea to use her Blue Pearl pendant to ask for assistance from a dragon, and he gives her a little blue ball. Then Ukane finds her. He throws the two fire men out of the way, but her father wraps a string around Ukane's arm, and he falls into the river.

Back at the scene of the fight, Fire 1 has to transform into his second form ("Suit up") and this gives him his personal sword the X basher.

Hearing what's going on, Rick transforms headquarters ("Scramble"), and brings it to the scene.
The Phoenix- Rescue Fire headquarters which can transform into a plane and move!

He is about to be defeated when the rest of the Fire Rescue team arrive. Jokane combines 2 of the commanders into a Fire Majin (demon- which by the way, is always a gigantic bird or food covvered in fire, which can shoot fire). When Jokane does this, his face turns upside down! The team combine their vehicles to form "The Great Wyvern" (formed from the Super Dragon and the Super Jet Falcon), which gets shot down in a matter of seconds.
The Great Wyvern.

Then Asuka arrives with the blue ball and throws it to Fire 1. He charges up the X-basher, his personal sword with it. They combine again. This time they become the Super Fire Dragon.
Super Fire Dragon.

They extinguish the fire, then freeze the enemy using the Super Ice Tornado and Super Dragon Attack (in which the spirits of the first 5 Rescue dashes drive through the enemy and destroy it).

Jokaen screams that he'll remember this and disappears. Fire 1 collapses exhausted, but then stands up and they all pose.

The show airs on Aichi tv and is proof that truth is way stranger than fiction!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomica_Hero_Rescue_Fire
http://www.tv-aichi.co.jp/rescue-fire/about_rescue-fire/index.html

Shougakkou bunkasai

- or Elementary school culture festival, to English speakers.

I work at two elementary schools. There is really only one word to describe elementary schools in Japan. That word is: crazy!

The first of my elementaries held their bunkasai, on Sunday,Ostober 25, a day after the Middle school. As usual there were a couple of hilarious performances.

Sixth grade is the final grade in Japanese elemntary schools. Every year the 6th graders'play has something to do with the dreams for their future. This year, the kids spoke of their dreams in front of their "teacher" in a classroom. Now any good Japanese student production needs a twist. So, right after the children told their dreams, aliens landed! (These things happen more often in Japanese plays, than you would imagine!) The aliens said they had seen the future and the children would all become fishermen and rice farmers.

At that point, I got a little bit depressed, because that's quite possibly true. It's no secret that the emphasis is on "fitting in" in Japanese society. My town in semi-rural: farmers and fishemen fight right in.

But then the play took an unexpected twist- having lived in Japan for a year, the aliens were almost predictable- the kids refused to take the destiny the aliens gave them. They decided that they would be what they wanted to be. And the aliens? They had no choice but to leave.

One giant step for 6th grade. One small step for the town of Ichinohe. Maybe...






Another memorable play was the 3rd grade production. It was abotu Doraemon, probably one of the best known early anime characters. Those of you who grew up in Barbados, like I did, might know that cartoon as Albert and Sidney, because for some reason, that's what it was marketed as there. Anyhow. Back to the play. So these guys decided to kidnap Doraemon. Of all the places in the world to take him, he ends up in Ichinohe, where a group of schoolchildren find him. Then Nobito and company (including 4 girls who simultaneously play Shizuka) use the magic door to find him. But the kidnappers won't return him, unless they can answer some questions. Each time they get a question right they get a clue- a letter (or rather a syllable, because the Japanese alphabet is syllabic), but they miss the last question and so they have to do the town dance around the gym to get Doraemon back!

And by the way, the word they had to get was "to-mo-da-chi", the Japanese for friend.










I seem not to have any pictures o the second grade play. I found it hilarious, and I think it summarizes the Japanese take on Western religion and secular holidays.

There were 4 angels. They were happy in heaven until the Head Angel came along and blew them- yes, with wind- out of heaven. Why? Because they hadn't brushed their teeth! So they got blown to Ichinohe, and they saw the children decorating a Christmas tree and hoping to see Santa Claus. So they decided to call Santa and get him to come to Ichinohe, but they got his answering machine.

Being good little angels, they really wanted to give the kids their wish, so they decided to dress up as Santa and 3 reindeer! Then they summoned the children to the school in the middle of the night to meet Santa. When they did magic, they all had to shout, "Cupid Power!" I was absolutely dying!

When the children get to school, they start to freak out, because Santa Claus is there. They speak to him, and he answers in English. They think Santa is smart for being bilingual! Then someone asks where the presents are. The angels faces fall. They'd forgotten all about presents.

Then God arrives and he's hopping mad! (God, by the way, was played by the principal- who'd also already played an angel in May at Sports Festival!) God tells the children that Santa Claus is inside of all of them, and he makes the angels wish the children back home. "Cupid Power!"

The festival at my other school was relatively normal. It's a small school. Only 31 kids in 6 grades. For me, the highlights were first grader, Nanami's impression of an old lady and the fact that 26 of the kids were in the taiko (Japanese drum) band.



After the bunkasai, there was a mandolin player who sang and played, and had her songs interpreted by a deaf-mute. It was totally random, but there is nowhere in the world more random than that school some days.



That's all for now folks. Here's hoping you have a happy day, and if you don't, just scream, "CUPID POWER!"

Japanese school culture- JHS

So, I've been a bad blogger of late. It's been about 4 months since I've last spoken here. Apologies. There's a helluva lot of catching up to do. And it will be done- in time. For now, I'm just going to jump right back into the swing of things.

Last weekend was my bunkasai (Culture festival) at my Junior High and my big elementary school.

I was pretty exhausted since I left work after 6 every day because I was preparing posters on the Barbadian History and Geography and helping with practices for English recitation and speech contests. Last year, there was a part time English teacher here with me. Since Yuka wasn't involved in any of the other bunkasai preparations, she helped me with the preparations of the Barbados poster, and she translated it into Japanese. This year, Yuka is at a nother school which meant the translation fell to me. It took a long time and a lot of headache, but I managed to translate the major points of Barbadian geography and history into Japanese on my own. I had a teacher check it and I was proud of how few mistakes there were. I even wrote it out in KANJI all by myself. Maybe there is hope yet for me and Japanese!

Saturday was the Junior High School bunkasai. It started with the English Recitations which I introduced in English. It's really all for show, since I doubt any of the parents can understand more than "Good morning" and the names of the students. After the recitations, there was a Japanese Speech contest. This is always the point where it goes downhill for me. I tried to listen to the speehces, but could only understand snatches of what they were saying. Eventually I gave up and started on trying to translate the printed program and the copy of the Principal's and Student Body President's written speeches.

Then the band came on. This is always one of the highlights of my bunkasai. This year, they did Movie Sountracks and they played the Soundtracks from Aladdin and The Little Mermaid. I was so happy I could barely stay in my seat. I was dancing and singing along. I asked my English teacher (JTE) if he'd be doing anything crazy this year. Last year, the Japanese teacher, the Business teacher and the JTE had appeared and pretend sang a popular Japanese song as the band played. He laughed and said, No, but the Maths teacher would. In the middle of the rendition f "Under the Sea" some of the 3rd grade boys ran in, dressed as fish. Then the pushed out the MALE math teacher on a trolley. He was Ariel! Tail and all!

Immediately after the band there was a performance of a town legend by the first years. I don't know what happened because I couldn't understand what they said. But I do know that one of the characters got farted on twice! What a thing to perform in front of your parents.

At lunch recess, the school provided Chicken Rice and I bought an Ichinobe Melon Bread from the PTA. Melon bread is one of the crazy mixes that the Japanese actually got right. It is so good! Ichinobe is a local bread company. I'd never had their melon bread, but it's the best!

The recess was followed by the Choir competition. Each class has to sing as a class in this contest. Someone from the class had to direct and someone else had to play the piano. They do two songs and most classes have a different director and a different pianist for each song. I am always amazed by the number of people who can play the piano and how well they can play it.

The thing that really amazed me about this year's competition was that I actually knew more than half of the songs they sang! Have I been in Japan that long! 2-2 got a special prize for a wonderful a capella rendition. 1-2 won the first year contest, 2-2 one the second years and 3-1 the third. 3-1 won the overall prize.

Then they presented the prizes for the speech contest, the choir contest and the wall newspaper contest (groups of students had made little newpsapers to hang in the classrooms).

After the presentations, there were some more speeches and then, as a student was about to close the bunkasai, the 3rd years stormed the stage and began to sing. I was rather amused, in Japan it doesn't bode well to break the routine. I hope they didn't get into too much trouble and I can't hepl wondering what will happen next year, since the 2nd years are way crazier than the 3rds!

Stay tuned for new of the elementary bunkasai- Doraemon kidnapped, Santa and angels... fun stuff all around!